THE MAN WHO LIKED TO PLAY WITH DOLLS
A PLAY BY K. JARED HOSEIN
This is a satirical play I wrote about a physically and emotionally abusive relationship in Trinidad and Tobago. The main characters are Manny and Dolly. The characters address the audience directly. Other actors are planted in the audience itself. It's separated into two acts. I imagined it to be a very intense play.
If you wish to read the entire play, you can CLICK HERE.
ACT ONE: INCUBATION
SETTING: A simple room with two chairs and
any simple living room props.
MANNY
Woman, where meh food?
DOLLY
Comin, Manny!
DOLLY enters with two plates of food in hand. She
sets one down on the floor and then rests the
other on MANNY's lap.
MANNY
Eh, eh! Pick it up!
DOLLY
Why?
MANNY
I say pick it up! Rest down my food FUSS! Then yours!
DOLLY picks up both plates. This time, she sets
the first plate down on MANNY's lap and the other
on the floor.
MANNY
Good. Now just fuh pullin that stunt, yuh eh eating
until I finish eat.
DOLLY
Sorry, Manny.
MANNY
(beginning to eat)
Ah tell yuh not to say that word! Never say "Sorry!"
Yuh is one chupid woman, yuh know. Yuh know that? Eh?
Yuh should listen to those who are wiser than you.
Maybe yuh would learn something. You doh think so?
DOLLY
I should listen...
MANNY
Yuh bathe, Dolly? You smelling.
DOLLY
But I bathe, Manny.
MANNY
Where? The latrine? Woman, you smelling! You go make me
vomit up all this food here, smelling like de damn La
Basse! Smelling like the dregs of the Caroni River
smelling like how you did when I first drag you out of
the La Basse!
DOLLY
I bathe in de shower, Manny.
MANNY
So yuh chupid and yuh smelly. I doh have to be reminded
how smelly. When last yuh had an exam?
DOLLY
Cah remember.
MANNY
Exam time. Get out yuh pencils and yuh rulers. What is
de sum of five and eleven, woman?
DOLLY looks at her fingers and begins counting
them. MANNY smacks her hand.
DOLLY
Woman! What de ass yuh counting? Yuh have eleven
fingers?
DOLLY
I cah remember, Manny.
MANNY
What about four and six?
DOLLY raises hands to count fingers again.
MANNY
Woman, you want meh chop off dat hand!
DOLLY puts her hands down.
DOLLY
Eight? ...Wait, wait.
MANNY
(laughing, turns to audience)
Well, allyuh ever see more!
DOLLY
(unaware that there is an audience)
Yuh know I does get nervous when you doin this and cah
think straight. I swear I could do it when ah alone. Ah
swear, Manny, ah swear...
MANNY
Woman, yuh does crack me up. Is chupid yuh chupid so?
Woman, yuh chupid. Yuh have cattle sense. Yuh dotish.
Yuh is a DUNCE. Yuh is a damn incompetent illiterate
embarrassment. Ah know 3-year-olds who does still dig
dey bottom and suck finger who is genius compared to
you. You is not a dumbbell, you is a barbell, girl.
DOLLY
You know I never get to finish school, Manny.
MANNY
I make a joke. "You is not a dumbbell, you is a
barbell." Laugh. That was a good one.
DOLLY
(begins to laugh)
MANNY
If something happen to me, who going to take care of
yuh? What you goin to do? How you going to get a wuk?
What you could even do for a wuk? You cah do anything.
Yuh ass have no skills, woman. Yuh totally untalented.
Yuh can't add. Yuh can't subtrack. Yuh can't sew. Yuh
can't cut hair worth a shit. Yuh can't spell. (beat)
And even if yuh could do all those things, nobody go
hire you because the health authority go shut them
down. Unsanitary odours.
Yuh could take a woman out of de La Basse. But yuh cah
take de La Basse out of de woman.
DOLLY
(laughing)
MANNY
Where yuh brain went, woman? Where yuh brain went when
your mother borned yuh? It slide out in the afterbirth?
Where it gone? You forget it in the La Basse, where a
corbeau eat it and dead before it could pass it back
out? I does always wonder how it have woman chupid like
you and I does always imagine allyuh woman could
unscrew allyuh head and take out the brain. And then
use it as a washrag to clean the grime off the kitchen
and scrub the toilet bowl with it. I eh know how else a
brain could get so full ah shit.
DOLLY
(laughing)
That was a good one, Manny.
MANNY
(finishing his food)
I think ah know where it gone. Might be my fault. I
mighta hit you with the potspoon too hard, knock out
the screws from yuh head and yuh brain mighta fall in
the pot. So, woman, I think I just eat it. Maybe it in
one of my eleven stomachs.
DOLLY
(stops laughing)
MANNY
Woman, look. Pick up yuh food and eat. Look fly going
in it! Yuh dunno flies does carry infection or you too
chupid to realize that too? Or yuh does let fly go in
the pot when you cookin?! I eh go put a duncyhead move
like that below yuh, yuh know!
DOLLY puts her face in her palms and begins to
sob. In a surprise move, MANNY sets aside his
plate and wraps his arms around her. He picks up
her plate and tries to coax her into eating.
MANNY
Pretty popo. Pretty popo. Eat yuh food. Ent yuh want to
grow up big and healthy? Eat yuh food. Get yuh carbs
and yuh proteins to grow big and healthy.
DOLLY obliges and eats.
MANNY
Good girl. Good girl. Yuh know why I does have to be
hard on you so, right? (beat) Is only because ah love
you, Dolly. Ah love you dearly and with every vessel in
meh beating pumping heart.
DOLLY
(smiling)
I love you too, Manny.
MANNY
(laughing hysterically)
Oh Lord, woman! Yuh relly think that is why I does cuss
you up so?!
DOLLY
(looking at him)
Why then?
MANNY
Yuh will always be too chupid to know! So doh even try
to figure it out with yuh La Basse cattle sense! Now go
wash dem wares!
DOLLY
But I ent finish eat, Manny.
MANNY
Good. I find you getting a lil fat. The least yuh could
do for me is look good.
DOLLY
(smiling)
So I lookin good?
MANNY
Beautiful, beautiful! Yuh could be a movie star, girl!
DOLLY happily takes the plates and exits the
stage.
MANNY
(now alone on stage, speaks to audience)
Allyuh ever see a woman more chupid than she? (beat) I
over love she, though. I know most of allyuh already
want to shack up the judge and jury. Bring courts,
bring de exorcist. Get de devil out of me. I so saw-ry,
breds. Allyuh doh even know the whole situation. Is not
me. Is not my fault.
One time I went down to Mayaro, right, and ah was
walking along de coast. And ah see this bottle fill up
with some sea-water, looking like it had something in
it. I dunno what compel meh but I pick up the bottle,
unscrew the cap and then I feel my body going bazodee.
I start to tremble up. Shake up. Catch fits. Ah even
shat mehself. I is a good man. It was a demon possess
me from the bottle. Ah can't help mehself anymore.
DOLLY enters the stage once again.
