Reaffirmation

Being a priest isn't easy. But every once in a while Father James goes over to the Bed and Breakfast and he listens to the couples have sex. When he goes to have breakfast with them in the morning he usually prays to see that they are disgusting and obese. Sometimes they both are, most times one of them is.

And celibacy doesn't seem so bad after that.

Henry and the Sea

Henry was a surfer and he had a short-lived relationship with the sea. While it was just a fling for him, she became totally smitten. And when he found out that she had crabs, he left her.

Henry's friends were all bummed out after because all the sea did after that was just whine and complain about Henry being unreasonable, and it just messed up the whole surfing scene, because who wants to feel obligated to respond to that crap while they're surfing? 

The Wishing Well

I knew this girl who fell down the wishing well. She cried and cried and cried until the well welled up with tears and she floated to the top. She cried so much that she didn't see the ladder that she could've just climbed.

The moral? I dunno. Cry hard enough and you'll get what you want.

Catfish

Chicken or the Egg?

Asha and Jorge were out on their first date, having dinner at a fancy restaurant when all of a sudden, Asha asks Jorge, "Which do you think came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Jorge looked at the omelette and the grilled chicken on his plate. Which had come first, anyway? It was important to impress Asha, so he asked to be excused from the table to use the bathroom. But he actually went to ask the waiter. The waiter could not answer either, so he asked the chef. The chef definitely remembered making the omelette before grilling the chicken.

"The egg came first," he told her.

"But then who kept the egg warm?" Asha asked.

Jorge 'excused himself to the bathroom' once again.

Birthday Present

Javier forgot to buy his wife a birthday present so that explains why he's in a gift box right now. It's hot in there and it's really, really cramped. Not to mention that he's claustrophobic and scared to death of the dark. He hopes that that bitch knows it's the thought that counts. 

Flygirl

"I know a girl you should try."

"Just hope she don't turn out to be a bore."

"Nah, she cool, she very fly."

"Never met a girl into aviation before."