The Dark Road

The highway is dark
For a bandit has stolen the argon coins
From the glass of its lamp poles.
The concrete isthmus is now paved
With nightfall's shaded arc, 
The lanes ballasted with damp souls.
Nothing but the radio on, 
Duran, Tears, Mode, Floyd, 
The road stretches, 
Tapers into a void.
Where anything can happen, 
A place where nightmares and dreams
Can be similarly destroyed. 

K. Jared Hosein

Reaffirmation

Being a priest isn't easy. But every once in a while Father James goes over to the Bed and Breakfast and he listens to the couples have sex. When he goes to have breakfast with them in the morning he usually prays to see that they are disgusting and obese. Sometimes they both are, most times one of them is.

And celibacy doesn't seem so bad after that.

Henry and the Sea

Henry was a surfer and he had a short-lived relationship with the sea. While it was just a fling for him, she became totally smitten. And when he found out that she had crabs, he left her.

Henry's friends were all bummed out after because all the sea did after that was just whine and complain about Henry being unreasonable, and it just messed up the whole surfing scene, because who wants to feel obligated to respond to that crap while they're surfing? 

The Wishing Well

I knew this girl who fell down the wishing well. She cried and cried and cried until the well welled up with tears and she floated to the top. She cried so much that she didn't see the ladder that she could've just climbed.

The moral? I dunno. Cry hard enough and you'll get what you want.

Catfish

Chicken or the Egg?

Asha and Jorge were out on their first date, having dinner at a fancy restaurant when all of a sudden, Asha asks Jorge, "Which do you think came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Jorge looked at the omelette and the grilled chicken on his plate. Which had come first, anyway? It was important to impress Asha, so he asked to be excused from the table to use the bathroom. But he actually went to ask the waiter. The waiter could not answer either, so he asked the chef. The chef definitely remembered making the omelette before grilling the chicken.

"The egg came first," he told her.

"But then who kept the egg warm?" Asha asked.

Jorge 'excused himself to the bathroom' once again.

Birthday Present

Javier forgot to buy his wife a birthday present so that explains why he's in a gift box right now. It's hot in there and it's really, really cramped. Not to mention that he's claustrophobic and scared to death of the dark. He hopes that that bitch knows it's the thought that counts. 

Flygirl

"I know a girl you should try."

"Just hope she don't turn out to be a bore."

"Nah, she cool, she very fly."

"Never met a girl into aviation before."

Out of Body Experience

"A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is visible labour and invisible labour." ~ Victor Hugo

The Hangman

William and the hangman, and some officials, stood in the hot morning sun of the fated day. William already had the noose around his neck.

"Hurry up," the hangman said.

"E," William said.

The hangman pulled the lever and William is killed. "The answer was Michael Jackson," the hangman then told the officials.

"But that has an E," he was informed by one of the officials.

The hangman was then told to go to jail, without passing Go and without collecting $200, where he has been trying to roll a double for the past three years now.

Apocalypse Bow Wow

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.  ~Mark Twain

Silence, Finally

Pa always wanted silence
'Cos Ma was always yellin' about,
So I hacked Pa's ears off
And stuffed them into Ma's mouth.

Alcohol Marketing Strategy

Take a shot when the times nice,
Take a drink when the days sad,
Take a sip of the blood of Christ
Then quench your thirst to get on bad.

Illustration from "The Little Prince".

Home on the Prairie

One person's refuse is another person's refuge.

The Suicides

It was sad when the twins killed themselves. According to the suicide note, their reason was just to get away from everybody. Everybody thought this was very silly.


They said nothing... but everyone still couldn't help but wonder why anybody would ever want to get away from them.

Ghost Story

According to local legend, a ghost roams the sea shore at night. Nancy was interested in the paranormal and had never seen a ghost, so she pitched a tent on the shore and kept on the look-out for it.


She would've seen it too, if she wasn't so damn high on shrooms all the time, according to local legend, anyway...

Ingrate

I wish I could wake up in the morning and know what it is like to be grateful to wake up, and know how grateful I should feel for even being able to feel grateful for waking up.

Scrambled Egg

Up

This one isn't by me! My girlfriend, Lily Kwok, painted this for me for Christmas. Based on the animated film "Up". It's hanging on the wall behind my bed right now!

Death Metal

Mark and Juan were playing pool, when all of a sudden Mark said, "You know, man, Judas Priest is kind of lame."

Juan looked at him, chalking the tip of his cue. "Why don't you just say what you really mean, Mark?"

Mark shrugged. He said, "I just never thought they were very metal."

What ensued was a fight to the death that injured Mark and killed Juan. You might think this is a sad story, but Juan always went down as the man who fought and died in the name of Judas Priest, and that's very metal.